Grateful Journal #5: Grateful To Be Fearful

November 6, 2018
November 6, 2018 Team Positive

Grateful Journal #5: Grateful To Be Fearful

As you might know, I have a lot of fears.

“What may your fears be?”, you may ask. I must admit, it is a long list of fears, so I shall reveal my biggest one to date:

 

Of not meeting my own expectations, and disappointing and shaming myself when I fail.

 

Two apt terms come to mind: “Being my own worst critique” and “Being my own worst enemy“.

 

But, one thing I wanted to share in the midst of dealing with this massive fear I face right now is this:

I’m grateful that I am made aware of this fear. I’m thankful that God has made me recognise this fear that have been a hindrance to me achieving my fullest and victorious destiny.

 

Don’t get me wrong- it is a tough situation to overcome this overwhelming fear of mine, especially when it comes to taking risks and facing new challenges.

I tend to doubt my own capabilities in succeeding, and when I do fail, I feel ashamed of myself. I feel useless, I feel hopeless, I somewhat “reinforce” that defeatist state of mind, and I get mad at myself for failing.

It is a horrible vicious cycle of self-pity, self-degradation, self-belittlement, and self-loathing.

It’s tiring to go through it again and again. Most of time, I feel like there isn’t much of a point for me to take risks and face new challenges, especially when I feel like “it’s bound to fail again, like the other times.”

The feeling of failing and being defeated time and time again is such a draining feeling.

 

Yet, I know, as an overcomer, I need to overcome failures with the strength and boldness of God.

Not by my might, not by my strength, but by the Spirit of the Lord will I overcome my fears. Through Christ, I can do all things. Through Christ, my weakness is made perfect.

And, as I wrestle and deal with this fear with God, I pray with thanksgiving that because of Him, there is a hope for tomorrow- a tomorrow where God will fully restore my heart with perfect love that is without fear, and a renewed sense of boldness and courage to execute God’s written plans and destiny for me!

This doesn’t apply to me only- God wants to restore you whole as well.

God wants you to live a victorious life: a life that He has written and destined for you.

In order for you to live out a fulfilled and purpose-driven life, God wants to remove the fears, the anxieties, the shame, and the pain from you.

God wants to replace the former with love, hope, joy, and boldness.

I know, because that’s what He is doing for me now.